When asked this question on this blog I recalled a lot of things and really reflected on my current relationship to my fiance r. this is what I came up with:
1.Have you ever felt 'can't-live-without-you-never-want-to-try' in love, and what happened. Did someone end up heartbroken, or are you still living happily ever after?
The whole "can't live without someone" is very unhealthy, not that I would ever want to live without my fiance either but I think if I ever felt that "I can't live without someone" (like Bella and Edward - yes a Twilight reference) than I would be lost. If I had to live without r. than sadly I would and it would be incredibly painful but I would and more important I could do it. If you are so involved in that other person and you "can't imagine life without them, can't live without" than I honestly believe that you have nothing of yourself - you're lost. You are nothing without them because you lost yourself while you were trying to keep that other person happy and make everything about them so of course you wouldn't be able to live without them because you put yourself in that position where they define who you are and you are lost without that definition...instead of writing your own definition of yourself and having that other person compliment you.
I was lost once in a can't live without you relationship and really he needed me because I did EVERYTHING for him so of course he didn't know how to live without me and how could I ever leave him, we were supposed to be together and get married etc etc. I should mention I was in high school - grade 10 thinking that I found the love of my life and he defined me blah blah. Ya he defined me as his bank, his housekeeper, his mother and thats what I became. Luckily I was able to find myself again and leave him. He ended up heartbroken and said he couldn't live without me because he didn't know how to take responsibility for himself.
Then I found the love of my life r. and he's an incredible man who I can not wait to marry but we have tried (long ago) to live without one another and of course it was possible but we didn't ever want to live without being in each others lives. We don't define each other, we compliment one another and our lives are inter-related in all aspects but we don't spend every minute together...we go away with each other and without. We support each other in everyway, whether its my schooling or his late nights working on the race-car. We would never take these things that make us happy away from each other and the things that makes us who we are as individual people only add to our relationship. Sometimes I spend too much time doing lessons and soemtimes he is way too late working at the garage but we have never held each other back but sometimes we struggle to balance.
We are living our happily ever after and it's amazing, even when it's not so amazing it's still amazing.
I love your second-last paragraph. It is exactly some of those things why I need a certain change in my life.
ReplyDeleteIt's just so hard to break the news to someone who doesn't see it coming. Someone who may rely on me a bit too much at times, but at the end of the day is always happy to see me when I come home.
Sometimes I think it's easier getting your heart broken than having to do it to someone you care about.
It's definitely hard to get your heartbroken but even harder and more painful to do it to someone you care about, but then again sometimes its beyond painful for yourself if you're not true to you. This is how I felt when I was with Adam and had to break it off with him, after 2 years it seemed so hard to "do" that to him but it was better than doing what I was to myself.
ReplyDeleteLove is not always easy and can be messy.
Very well said- I have certainly been in my fair share of bad relationships. And most of them found me as the one who was doing everything and keeping things going, which just made me a slave to someone else versus a person pursuing my own dreams. Never again. I am single now, but happier than I have ever been. I know who I am. I know what I want. And I have realized what really matters in life. And I will never let someone else distract me from that again.
ReplyDeleteThat's fabulous KS and so true.
ReplyDelete